Depraved Indifference

Sitting in a Subway parking lot last year, I felt my heart break. Literally. I felt physical pain in my chest. I couldn't stop from feeling this overwhelming sense of hurt, longing, and certainty all at the same time. Someone was trying to tell me something and I was finally ready to listen.

Once our eyes are open, we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. 

My entire life I've never been asked to do anything by God. Never. I've lived 25 selfish years only asking for God's help when I needed it. Never asking what I could do for him. And never felt an ounce of regret for my ignorance.  Does that sound silly, coming from me? Make you a little uncomfortable, because that's just not who I, Michelle Embry, am? Maybe. That day in a Subway parking lot, God made sure I saw this video. God made sure I knew that THAT day, he was asking something of us. That day, Tyson, our future son, was born in my heart. 

If you have a few minutes, watch this video. It literally changed my life. What was once just an idea in my head was suddenly the very thing I was put on this earth to do. It's the reason I married Derek. It's the reason Claire and Nora are our daughters. It's the reason I'm a nurse. Tyson buddy, we are coming for you. Godspeed little man. 

http://youtu.be/UWHJ6-YhSYQ

Depraved indifference. Now that you've seen, you can't unsee. Am I hoping you'll decide that adoption is for you after watching this video? No. Am I hoping you'll listen to God when he comes knocking? Yes. And he will come knocking. As I've said before, adoption isn't the only way to have a heart for oprhans. Advocate. Donate. Pray. If it moves you, share this story. It was because someone that I knew shared this video with me that my eyes were opened. Maybe this post makes another mom out there consider adoption. Maybe it motivates you to donate. Maybe that donation helps get a family FULLY FUNDED. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'm just writing to myself and this story reaches no one. And that's ok. Because I know God is bigger than me. 

And He will come knocking. 

**Just an afterthought. Yes, we are applying to adopt a boy, and we plan to name him Tyson. No, we haven't yet been officially matched and Tyson is just an "idea" in our heads right now. Somehow we are so sure of something that is completey UNsure. That's the funny thing about adoption. It's not up to us. 

Reece's Rainbow

I feel a little funny not mentioning Reece's Rainbow on the blog yet. I can tell you that single handedly, it has been one of the biggest influences on Derek and I's decision to adopt. Spend five minutes on their site and tell me it didn't give you heart palpitations looking at all the sweet faces needing moms and dads. 

Www.Reecesrainbow.org

Right now they have their Angel Tree fundraiser going on, so if you feel compelled to help but don't know how, make a donation to the child of your choosing! We often make small $5 donations to our "favorite" kiddos (but really, how can you choose?). It's not much,  but I can tell you that I would be THRILLED to receive $5 from a complete stranger who wants to support our adoption. That's why I love RR so much. 

We aren't using Reece's Rainbow to fundraise for our adoption. Hong Kong doesn't allow public listings of their waiting children, so they aren't listed on RR. I'm still HEAD OVER HEELS for this organization and have met some great people affiliated with it. There's even a family from Newton who fundraised with them and is picking their little one up as we speak. It makes this momma soooo happy to see the waiting children being advocated for. RR is giving a voice to those who would otherwise remain quiet. I can't think of a better organization to donate to this holiday season if you are having a hard time deciding! Well, I guess I can think of ONE! Our first family fundraiser is in full swing and we would be so grateful if you supported us by buying a raffle ticket (or ten :-). 

We hope you'll check out the RR website, as every person who views their site is a potential donor, mom, dad, or advocate. We aren't just passionate about OUR little one we hope to adopt, but all orphans still waiting on their mom and dad to bring them home. 

FUNDRAISER NUMERO UNO

The time has come. The reality of how expensive adoption really is has hit us, and it has hit us hard. Tomorrow we launch our first family fundraiser. We are cautiously optimistic about the success of our fundraiser, but we hope to raise about $2,000. That amount equals about half of the total fees that are due to our agency in the next few months. 

It is so difficult for me (Michelle)to put our family out there and depend on others to help us achieve this enormous goal. Derek and I don't like to have to depend on others, so admitting the fact that hey, we don't have $17,000 extra sitting around to fund our adoption is a hard pill to swallow. I know that we aren't alone, though. God has led us to where we are right now and we have faith that he will walk alongside us until baby Embry is home. We have supported several other families that we've never even met on their adoption journey (through Reece's Rainbow), and we know there are other families out there like us that will support us however they can. We truly believe people are good, and that's what will get us through this process.   

The plan for our fundraiser is this: sell raffle tickets to our friends and families for baskets that have graciously been donated to us. Tickets are $5 a piece, or 5 for $20. The first week of December we will draw the winners of the baskets from the pool of tickets we've sold. The baskets are all "gift" themed and would make great christmas presents! This fundraiser will cost us a total of ZERO dollars, unless we meet our goal of selling 450 raffle tickets. If we sell all 450 tickets, we will draw an additional winner for a Kindle Fire HD. We will be buying the Kindle out of our own pockets, so that would be the only thing we would pay for for the entire fundraiser. See? God is already good. Even if we only sell 50 tickets, we will still be that much closer to being fully funded. We are setting our goal high, and whatever happens, happens. 

Here's a sneak peak at just some of the baskets up for grabs:

Toddler headband and necklace, made by Michelle's sister Maegan Kater

Snowman themed gift basket donated by Gloria Embry

Basket of Salon products, donated by Shear Elegance Salon

Hand-made hat and scarf made by Marilyn Koehn

Premier Designs set donated by Kelli Schrag

We'd just like to give a million thanks to those who have donated baskets. Your generosity is overwhelming to us. We had two donations from people we don't even know. That really speaks volumes to this community we are a part of. Our child is already blessed in that they will be raised in a community of people who loved them before they were even home. Humbling.

I can't end this blog post without giving a huge THANK YOU to Derek's mom, Gloria. From the moment we told her we we wanted to adopt, all she has asked is "How can I help?". She has been so amazing in getting this raffle together and pushing me to get things going. There's something special about that spitfire Grandma "G"! 

Now... wish us luck in our first fundraising adventure!

Part One: Approved.

So. Real things have been happening in the Embry Adoption world. Real, exciting things. We submitted our official application to the agency and received word this week that it was APPROVED. What does that mean? It means a whole lot more paperwork for Derek and I, and it means a whole lot of fundraising needs to happen STAT. 

We have 90 days to complete this second application, and when we do, we owe $400. The agency then has 30 days to approve the second application, and GOD willing they do, we will owe our first set of agency fees and the home study fee. That's where real, scary numbers come into play.

We plan to do a few fundraisers throughout the course of our adoption. We are really taking a leap of faith that we will be able to do this with the help of our families, friends, and this great community we are a part of. Here's some food for thought:

"My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed him." -Derek Loux

So why would we want to do this? To put a humungous financial strain on our family? To completely exhaust all of our energy and savings into something that may or may not work out? Because we KNOW that there is a child out there that is waiting on us to come get them and bring them home. To our home. To their home. We don't know HOW we know this, but we couldn't be more sure of it. We refuse to let money stand in the way of giving our child a family. 

With that said, this is a call to action to YOU! Our friends and family. Our biggest supporters. We ask that you keep us in your thoughts during this process. We need all of the support we can get. Not everyone can adopt (although I totally think everyone should at least CONSIDER it!), but you can help in some way or another. If your thing is praying, pray! If it's donating, donate! If it's advocating, advocate. If you don't really have a "thing", then just be there for us. We have never needed your support more than we do right now.

Opportunity

Last week opportunity knocked and I answered. I've been stuck in neutral lately, trying to conjure up scenarios that would allow us to afford an adoption. Sometimes an elaborate plan isn't needed. Sometimes it's just good old perseverance. 

Nine months ago (See: NINE.), I was approached about an opportunity at the clinic to work for a group of doctors full time rather than prn (which has ranged from 0-6 days a week- no stability). One of the doctors in particular went as far as writing a proposal to the powers that be in efforts to help me secure a job in his office. Nine months passed. Nine. Months. I have all but forgotten his valiant efforts- until last week. 

At ten minutes till check out time, I got an email from the boss: 

"See me before you leave today". Great! Nothing like a little discipline to top off the already craptastic week I was having. I honestly felt sick walking in to her office. I try to fly below any disciplinary radar as much as I can. What I didn't know was that all that flying below the radar had paid off; as had the efforts of a very determined, selfless doctor. 

I am now a full time, benefits eligible employee of Via Christi Clinic. I couldn't have asked for a better group of doctors to work for and nurses to work alongside. 

I will say, though, that the idea of working full time and being away from my babies has hit me hard. Babies grow up all too quickly, and I hate the fact that I will inevitably miss out on some of that growing while I'm at work. My sister, Maegan, watches the girls while Derek and I work, so they are obviously loved, cuddled, and spoiled all day long (and occasionally fed... Kidding sister!). For all that she does for us, we are incredibly lucky. It still stings to think about the milestones I may miss while I'm away.

What is fueling this overworked momma is knowing that I was given this opportunity for a reason. A very generous man lobbied for me FOR A REASON. Financially, Derek and I are in such a better place to start our adoption process. Other adoptive moms have had excellent luck with fundraisers. Or maybe they set up a successful Etsy shop. I truly believe that working full time is my ticket to financing this adoption. I am not turning a blind eye to this opportunity that has been given to me.

So.. Where are we now? Still in the initial application process. I expect this will take at least a month more. From there we will start our home study (yikes!) and begin the daunting paper chase known as international adoption. We have chosen Dillion International as our agency, and have had nothing but great interaction with them so far. I'm working on getting some letters rounded up from the rheumatologist, but wasn't able to get an appointment with her for another MONTH. Once I have all of the necessary documentation, we can send our application (and first set of fees) to the agency. 

Here's to hopefully seeing this skyline in the next 1-2 years! 

Time for a new post.

Embry blog. I've abandoned you again. You should be used to my abuse by now. 

My mind has been overflowing to the point that I don't know where to start writing. So I haven't written anything at all. Lets change that, starting... Now. 

Derek and I have news. News I am not ready to come out and share just yet, because there's a million reasons we may fail at what we hope to do. 

You know what? I've decided to just write it out. I'm not sure who I'm writing to (besides myself), but being afraid to fail isn't a reason to hide. Simple. 

Derek and I have decided to add a member to our family through adoption. Right now it still seems like a far fetched dream. There are so many unknowns in the adoption world, but picturing a FIFTH Embry in 2014s Christmas card has us pretty darn excited. Now matter how far fetched it seems right now.. Just knowing there's a slight possibility my girls might soon have a brother is motivation enough for me. 

And though this is something we believe we were meant/called/destined to do, we are so unsure if or when it will happen. The financial strain of an adoption seems impossible to overcome with two little ones at home already. Adoption is a rich mans game, I truly believe that. For a little perspective, the average cost of the program we have inquired about is $27,000.00. That's a lot of zeros. More zeros than our bank account can fathom right now. 

So... Where are we in this process? Right now we are in the very earliest of planning stages. I am reading a few books about adoption and scouring blogs for sources of encouragement. The many happy endings I have read about make me want to go out and sign up with an agency tomorrow. And then I remember the $5-6,00.00 we would initially need to do so. Back down to earth I come. We are taking a serious look at our finances and making some tough decisions. It's amazing how things you thought you wanted / needed can become so incredibly unimportant to you after you've obtained them. Changes are happening in the Embry household, and it's getting a little exciting. There's a red jar on our kitchen island with a few coins tossed in it. Step one of adoption fund raising. 

Feel free to come drop a few $100 bills in our jar while you're out. I promise we won't turn you down. We will pay you back in free hugs when Embry #5 makes their appearance. 

Enjoy the sister love for tonight. You're welcome. 

Unrest.

It's 12:30, middle of the night. Two precious girls have somehow snuggled in between mom and dad and mom should be sleeping. But I can't. 

Tonight I have a heavy heart. Heavy with thoughts of adding to our family. Derek and I have been discussing this very topic over the last few weeks, and we don't feel like we have any clear answers yet. With Claire and Nora, things were easy. We decided we wanted to have these precious babies, and we did. This time it's different. Things have changed for our family. 

I'm not sure where this will go. Maybe a year from now we will be holding a third baby Embry, or maybe we will just be enjoying the two littles we have today. Either way, we are a house overflowing with love. 

There's not much we are sure of at this point. The one thing Derek and I do know is that there is room in our hearts for another child. How (or if) that child becomes a part of our family is still unknown. 

Here's to clarity. And here's to getting some sleep once in awhile.